posted Wednesday with 1,085,197 notes / reblog
posted Wednesday with 304,677 notes / reblog
posted Wednesday with 154,646 notes / reblog
Anonymous: Are we mutuals

idk man, i mean you’re on anon.


I follow everyone back!
posted Tuesday with 21,105 notes / reblog
posted Tuesday with 78,546 notes / reblog
posted Monday with 545,359 notes / reblog


when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl heโ€™d take her on a date unlike any other sheโ€™d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

theyโ€™re married now

(via chai-ti)


Come Up Around The Bend by Petter Sandell
posted Sunday with 10,423 notes / reblog
posted Sunday with 1,506,910 notes / reblog


at this point my blood is probably 4.3% pasta sauce

(via spork)

posted Saturday with 134,835 notes / reblog
posted Saturday with 21,282 notes / reblog








When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging
posted Saturday with 454,183 notes / reblog
posted Saturday with 145,458 notes / reblog